Oh The Places You Won’t Go…
I’m over a month into Italy, and no I haven’t really explored that much. Hint: Outside the main tourist circuit (Rome, Venice, Florence, Pisa) public transport can be an experience similar to what I imagine hell to be like. Or visiting the post office.
The Joys Of Bus & Train Travel In Italy
I’ve lost count of the times the bus I was supposed to board blew past the stop although there’s a crowd of people standing waiting (and no, the bus that just wizzed by was nowhere near full). I now understand why the little old Italian ladies in the Lazio region outside the main cities throw their bodies in front of moving buses— because that’s usually the only way to guarantee they’ll actually stop and pick you up.
And then there was the day I was headed to Rome when the entire Rome-Naples line went down. Note that Terracina where I’m completing my Italian citizenship process no longer has a train station. Well it does, but a while back something on the rail broke, so rather than fix it, Italy decided a much better idea was to serve Terracina by infrequent buses to Priverno-Fossanova (a train station in bumfuck nowhere not reasonably walkable to either town). So just imagine my joy when I got off the bus in Priverno-Fossanova early in the morning to an angry mob of displaced Italians making aggressive gestures and arm flailings with the departure sign showing everything down the line cancelled or indefinitely delayed.
So I take the next bus back to Terracina to get to Latina. I wasn’t sure, but gauging by what I could comprehend on the Trenitalia website with my shitty Italian language skills it sounded like I may be able to try my luck getting the train from Latina to Rome.
Luckily there was a guy in my same predicament that got off the bus in Latina with me and could clearly see me searching for the bus to the train station. As far as he knew the whole line was out, so he said take the bus. But of course it only goes to an outskirt of Rome so then it requires a metro to complete the journey.
So 5 hours, 4 buses, a metro and 5€ wasted on a Trenitalia ticket that I was never able to use (plus an extra 4€ in bus fare outside my pass zones) I made it to Rome. I mean fuuuuck.
So onto my 32nd birthday— I spent it in Lampedusa. The southernmost part of Italy, an island so far south it technically sits on the African continental shelf. Lampedusa was a perfect break, it’s tiny, not much to see and do and it’s only about 11km east to west.
And even survived scootering around it without crashing or having to get stitches.
And Then The Creeps Start In…
Lampedusa was the perfect escape from the three creeps in Terracina that have plagued my life there. What is it about me that screams please stalk me? I know I’m only moderately attractive, and day to day I’m not the interesting. I wouldn’t be interested in me.
But here’s my favorite… some creep named Danial. I was minding my own business one evening picking up pizza to go when as I went to unlock the gate into the apartment I’m staying at a guy says ciao! So I say ciao back. Then he starts yammering on in Italian with me only comprehending about 37% of what he said before he finally clues into the fact that I’m a native English speaker after my attempt in broken Italian of saying I’m just going home to eat. He then proceeded to talk about himself for roughly the next 20 minutes with no moment for me to interject and end the conversation. I’m standing there with molten. fucking. hot. pizza. I want to eat that fucking pizza while it’s still molten hot.
Then finally, FINALLY he shuts up. But then asks for my phone number, and there I am standing there with my phone in my hand. Clear as day. Fucking great, I can’t lie my way out of this saying I don’t have a phone or some other bullshit, so I cave. I give him my number and go the fuck home to now eat my now lukewarm pizza.
Once I’m upstairs he proceeds to literally blow my WhatsApp up. Like to the tune of over 40 messages. The next day I blocked him. Then…Then he starts up on Viber. Blocked on there. Okay we’re done.
Nope. About 10 days later I’m on my way to Sperlonga for the night when guess who starts texting my actual phone? Our favorite creep named Danial.
And this is what I receive:
So not only are you a creep, you’re a psychopath and a racist. And I never told him I was going to Sperlonga that day, or ever. So how on earth would he know I was headed there that day unless he was following me?
Needless to say I’ve been traveling a bit since all this at least, but with that said I’m not exactly scared of something happening to me here in Terracina. But just in case you’re a man and wondering what it’s like to be a female traveler, these are some of the joys you get to deal with.
So in hindsight, I’ll never give out my phone number to get a man to shut him the fuck up so I can eat my pizza in peace. I’ll just unlock the gate, slam it in his face like the rude bitch I should have been* and march my wide ass up the stairs to eat my motherfucking pizza in peace. Lesson learned.
And I’ll probably get an extra slice of pizza too while I’m at it, cause it turns out statistically hefty girls are less likely to get kidnapped.
*However, when I have done exactly that in the past, I’ve had men ask why I’m such a bitch. THIS IS THE FUCK WHY
But don’t worry, I’m now in Positano on a stop off doing a grand whirlwind road trip with Tay and Dan (as in the now published writer Daniel Clarke from Dan Flying Solo). We plan to delve into the ass end of Italy’s dirty south over the next few days, so you’ll get to hear about that next month.
So Are You Italian Yet?
Well, almost. I’m in the final stages. I’m now on the final leg— waiting for the San Francisco consulate to return verifications stating that me nor none of of Italian family leading to my relative the migrated to the US have renounced Italian citizenship. How much longer will that take?
It’s Not All That Bad
I know this probably comes across as a lot of pissing and moaning, but there are some things that have been well, awesome including:
- more pizza
- all the olives
- delectable arancini
- mozzarella di bufala
- copious amounts of Prosecco
- shooting Rome at night
- and hanging out with cats
So What’s Happening In November?
First off the remainder of the Southern Italy road trip I’m currently on. Then next up to the Trento area to visit friends who are moving there. And then hopefully wrapping up the remainder of my citizenship process and then going back to Alaska.
Other Exciting News
Just this month we’ve launched upcoming trips to experience Nowruz in Afghanistan and the much anticipated return to Socotra. Click the linked text on each of those to head to Inertia Network for more information and sign up for either trip.
We should have our upcoming trip and dates finalized soon to climb to K2 Base Camp in Pakistan’s gorgeous Gilgit-Baltistan Province next summer. So be on the look out for an upcoming post for this expedition.
What Did I Write In October
What Will I Publish In November?
This month will have some different posts for what most my readers are used to seeing including posts on Sicily, Lampedusa, Croatia, Myanmar and Uzbekistan.
–See you next month!