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6 more people to hate on Airplanes
Ok, here it goes people, 6 more offenders for you!
1. The asshole who keeps designing the seats smaller and smaller and closer together
Ok. We’ve all about had e-fucking-nough! How much smaller and closer together are you guys going to make seats? I am a 5’3″ 130 lb female. I’m not a very big person. I’m actually an ex-gymnast and my kind are of the little variety. I comfortably can fit in my own seat. However a normal-sized man does not fit comfortably, and this is just dead wrong. My lanky fiancée wants to drink himself into alcohol poisoning every time he gets on a plane. He’s 6 feet tall and skinny and has a problem squeezing in.
2. Armrest Banditry
Here’s how the world of airplane armrests should work according to yours truly:
Ok, aisle person, you got the aisle rest, Window person has not only an armrest but also a wall to lean on. But you, the poor fuck sandwiched in the middle I firmly believe should be entitled to one or even both armrests on either side. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve booked a flight and unfortunately, the only availability is a middle seat, and I’m squished between two men and in the worst scenarios very large people and they took both armrests on the inside side of them. Leaving me squished there with sore clavicles from hollowing my chest to suck in my shoulders.
3. Parents that suck at life
I get it, kids are unruly soul-sucking little creatures that want to test your ability to not become a murderer. (Don’t get butthurt, that’s sarcasm). But it pisses me off to no end when parents don’t parent. I know screaming babies and toddlers happen on the plane because they don’t quite grasp what’s going on and why their little ears are popping. I also get that they try to push the limit, and it doesn’t bother me too much when the parent sees this and tries to do something to better the situation.
I’m talking about the little shit kicking the daylights outta the back of your seat, running up the aisles like an escaped insane asylum patient, pulling your hair from between the seats and the siblings screaming at each other while the parents sit there oblivious and don’t lift a damn finger. This is a problem. Oh, and PS: have fun when your precious asshole that doesn’t have to adhere to rules as a toddler turns about 13. Good effin luck.
4. The Bible Thumper
Yes, I’ve more than once had an attempted conversion to Christianity cast on me while silently sitting, minding my own business on a plane. No, I have not found Jesus. In fact, I didn’t even know he was lost. Maybe someone should be nice and give him directions. (One time I thought I found Jesus at the gas station in Girdwood, Alaska. But turns out it was just a long-haired hippy man with Jesus sandals). No, I didn’t go to church growing up, and yes my parents managed to raise two humans that have morals. It’s possible, so leave us alone.
5. The old lady wearing Gardenia perfume in row 7 that I can smell and taste clearly back in row 52.
I get it, I like to smell nice too. But have some decency as a human being and wear a LIGHT perfume, or maybe even just put on a little lotion. I hate strong perfumes. I didn’t just pay to huff your hardcore floral scent for the next 5 hours. This also can apply towards people that smell like an unwiped butthole because they lack basic hygiene skills and those smokers that you can smell from 13 miles away smoke. My Mom smokes and you never can smell it on her unless she just walks in from smoking. Why do some of you like to smell like an ashtray?
6. The individual behind you that sighs loudly when you lean your seat back.
Oh yeah, and I heard you roll your eyes as well, douche-canoe. Hey, I got an idea: your seat leans back too so shut the fuck up and lean it back. Let’s face it, they don’t lean back that far anyway, so I’m sure it’s not impeding too far into whatever you were doing that was so damn important.
You’ll probably rip out a decent clump of my hair and about slingshot my face into the seat in front of me cause I’m sure you’re one of those jerks that grabs the back of the seat when you stand up.
I know right, God forbid people to get a little more comfortable.
So there it is guys 6 more people to hate on airplanes
And seriously people, stop bringing so much shit on the plane with you, oh and dear airlines: Stop extorting us all with baggage fees, you created the problem!
You can read the original rant-list: 6 People to Hate on Airplanes here