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6 more people to hate on Airplanes

Ok, here it goes people, 6 more offenders for you!

1. The asshole who keeps designing the seats smaller and smaller and closer together

Ok. We’ve all about had e-fucking-nough! How much smaller and closer together are you guys going to make seats? I am a 5’3″ 130 lb female. I’m not a very big person. I’m actually an ex-gymnast and my kind are of the little variety. I comfortably can fit in my own seat. However a normal-sized man does not fit comfortably, and this is just dead wrong. My lanky fiancée wants to drink himself into alcohol poisoning every time he gets on a plane. He’s 6 feet tall and skinny and has a problem squeezing in.

2. Armrest Banditry

Here’s how the world of airplane armrests should work according to yours truly:

Ok, aisle person, you got the aisle rest, Window person has not only an armrest but also a wall to lean on. But you, the poor fuck sandwiched in the middle I firmly believe should be entitled to one or even both armrests on either side. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve booked a flight and unfortunately, the only availability is a middle seat, and I’m squished between two men and in the worst scenarios very large people and they took both armrests on the inside side of them. Leaving me squished there with sore clavicles from hollowing my chest to suck in my shoulders.

3. Parents that suck at life

I get it, kids are unruly soul-sucking little creatures that want to test your ability to not become a murderer. (Don’t get butthurt, that’s sarcasm). But it pisses me off to no end when parents don’t parent. I know screaming babies and toddlers happen on the plane because they don’t quite grasp what’s going on and why their little ears are popping. I also get that they try to push the limit, and it doesn’t bother me too much when the parent sees this and tries to do something to better the situation.

I’m talking about the little shit kicking the daylights outta the back of your seat, running up the aisles like an escaped insane asylum patient, pulling your hair from between the seats and the siblings screaming at each other while the parents sit there oblivious and don’t lift a damn finger. This is a problem. Oh, and PS: have fun when your precious asshole that doesn’t have to adhere to rules as a toddler turns about 13. Good effin luck.

4. The Bible Thumper

Yes, I’ve more than once had an attempted conversion to Christianity cast on me while silently sitting, minding my own business on a plane. No, I have not found Jesus. In fact, I didn’t even know he was lost. Maybe someone should be nice and give him directions. (One time I thought I found Jesus at the gas station in Girdwood, Alaska. But turns out it was just a long-haired hippy man with Jesus sandals). No, I didn’t go to church growing up, and yes my parents managed to raise two humans that have morals. It’s possible, so leave us alone.

5. The old lady wearing Gardenia perfume in row 7 that I can smell and taste clearly back in row 52.

I get it, I like to smell nice too. But have some decency as a human being and wear a LIGHT perfume, or maybe even just put on a little lotion. I hate strong perfumes. I didn’t just pay to huff your hardcore floral scent for the next 5 hours. This also can apply towards people that smell like an unwiped butthole because they lack basic hygiene skills and those smokers that you can smell from 13 miles away smoke. My Mom smokes and you never can smell it on her unless she just walks in from smoking. Why do some of you like to smell like an ashtray?

6. The individual behind you that sighs loudly when you lean your seat back.

Oh yeah, and I heard you roll your eyes as well, douche-canoe. Hey, I got an idea: your seat leans back too so shut the fuck up and lean it back. Let’s face it, they don’t lean back that far anyway, so I’m sure it’s not impeding too far into whatever you were doing that was so damn important.

You’ll probably rip out a decent clump of my hair and about slingshot my face into the seat in front of me cause I’m sure you’re one of those jerks that grabs the back of the seat when you stand up.

I know right, God forbid people to get a little more comfortable.

So there it is guys 6 more people to hate on airplanes

And seriously people, stop bringing so much shit on the plane with you, oh and dear airlines: Stop extorting us all with baggage fees, you created the problem!

You can read the original rant-list: 6 People to Hate on Airplanes here

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13 thoughts on “6 More People to Hate on Airplanes”

  1. I thoroughly enjoyed this article as I would 100% agree on you on this! Hahaha. YES to all the points but definitely would want to highlight number one. What is up with these airlines asking the designers to get us all bunched up like sardines?! It already is very cramped as it is and they’re still continuing to find ways to get it even more cramped.

  2. hahaha great post! Number 1 should definitely be the most hated person (companies?) ever when it comes to airplanes. They make everything so much worst. Also I completely agree about the toddlers! I feel bad for babies on plane but they are often not the issue, my biggest issue with kids on planes is when they are kicking my seat indeed! And I don’t think people should wear perfume on planes lol, just wear deodorant and relax lol

    1. omg, like those people that wear that wretched gardenia scented perfume that you can taste in the air from 17 miles away. That has got to be what hell smells like. Totally agree about the toddlers, toddlers are assholes… even my favorite kids in the world I disliked when they were that age haha

  3. I laughed so much reading this post, pure bliss! The armrest thing… imagine being stuck in the middle seat with people stealing your armrest space and then try to eat your food… It makes you look like a T-rex trying to applause for himself!

  4. Crap. I wrote an awesome comment and it went I do not know where. Anyhow. THIS! Air travel sucks except for the part where you can go far away for fast! That part is magic but the people on the plane often suck donkey ass.

    PLEASE KEEP WRITING! This is my favorite travel blog and third favorite blog that isn’t about money and stuff.

    PLUS! Thanks for the tips on Backpacks and stuff like that. I now own an awesome Osprey Atmos 65 AG! Thanks to your help and advice, I might add.

    So when I am hauling crap around on my back, I will remember you helped with that.

    Thanks for the fun reading and keep on keeping on!

    1. Thanks Carl! I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon 🙂 glad to hear you found a backpack, I love Osprey! Welcome to the turtle life.

  5. Quoted>>>>>Yes I’ve more than once had an attempted conversion to Christianity cast on me while silently sitting, minding my own business on a plane. No I have not found Jesus. In fact I didn’t even know he was lost. Maybe someone should be nice and give him directions. (One time I thought I found Jesus at the gas station in Girdwood, Alaska. But turns out it was just a long haired hippy man with Jesus sandals). No, I didn’t go to church growing up, and yes my parents managed to raise two humans that have morals. It’s possible, so leave us alone.<<<<<<

    This. Plus all the rest that you wrote. You are now and forever my favorite travel blogger. Do NOT stop writing. This is pure gold and 110% true shit.

    Plus, based on your info plus research and trying on, I am the proud owner of an Osprey Atmos 65ag backpack. Got a killer deal too, thanks to mucho travel blogging and MS info! WOOT! Thanks!

  6. i was on 2 757-200 yesterday and am not a big person but the seats in premium comfort got smaller and harder to sit on.. also they only recline 2 inches now… worse was a scraming kit on the left with no toys or a sippy cup or a pinky???? my hubby was next to a 400 +++pounder what a nightmare and they turned theheat on since a few shirtless guys were cold?? and no blankets on board///

    1. Oh man, sounds awful!! The seat thing is getting out of hand. Pretty soon no one will fit! And it drives me crazy when people don’t try to prepare for their kids that need something to keep them occupied on a plane!

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